Don't Take Me Home

We've all had those days....dreading going home to maybe a tough conversation or burned dinner....but, usually, most of us can't wait to get home. 

Not poor Augustus J. McCann.

He hates his life, he hates his wife, and, probably, the creepy, giant mouthed baby sitting on his lap.

Augustus would much rather sit around a boozy dinner with his friends, go to jail, or even go to war than sit at home with these two one more night.

This story is all courtesy of an antique, 1908, sheet music piece which we listed this weekend. 

We though the cover was crazy enough in itself. Then, Marguerite suggested we check the lyrics. Great idea! What followed was a quite hilarious look at one Mr. McCann's poor, henpecked life.

DON'T TAKE ME HOME

A comic novelty song by Vincent Bryan & Harry Von Tilzer

Augustus J. McCann ,

Is a hen pecked married man,

He's been a fighting with his wife since his married life began.

One night at half past three.

while out upon a spree,

A Motor knocked him down and out and it nearly broke his knee;

The Chauffer raised Mac's head,

He said "This man is dead",

But when he said "we'll take him home"

McCann jumped up and said,

DON'T TAKE ME HOME,

Please don't take me home,

Tell me, what did I do to you?

Oo oo oo oo  have a little pity,

I'm a poor married man,

in search of peace I roam,

I'm with you in anything you do but don't take me home, home.

McCann made such a fight

That they locked him up that night

Next day he got six months in jail

And he said now I'm in right

In jail there was no strife

He never saw his wife

He said the he'd be happy if he could stay there all his life

But after half a year 

They said "get out of here"

The jailer said we'll take you home

But Mac yelled out in fear.

DON'T TAKE ME HOME,

Please don't take me home,

Tell me, what did I do to you?

Oo oo oo oo  have a little pity,

I'm a poor married man,

in search of peace I roam,

I'm with you in anything you do but don't take me home, home.

McCann became so sore

That he ran off to the war

That war was like Vacation Time after all he'd fought before

He always led the fray

But he was shot one day

His comrades saw he couldn't walk and they carried him away

Up on his cot he fell

The doctor said "well well"

We'll send this man's home to his wife

Then Mac began to yell.

DON'T TAKE ME HOME,

Please don't take me home,

Tell me, what did I do to you?

Oo oo oo oo  have a little pity,

I'm a poor married man,

in search of peace I roam,

I'm with you in anything you do but don't take me home, home.

*************************

Well, after putting our own spin to it, we just laughed and laughed!

Then we found the actual antique recording on YouTube and you can hear it here:

Don't Take Me Home

If you find this funny like we do, or live this life, and must have an original copy, you can find that here at Offbeat Avenue:

Don't Take Me Home